Some Things I Wish My Kids Could Understand

• Mommy can not do a zillion things while still trying to drive the car, if you want to keep your life
• Eating boogers is not good for you
• Candy does not quench hunger, nor do boogers for that matter
• Christmas Trees are not scary and should not result in ear-numbing screams
• The air vent in their room is not a cage housing green monsters
• Butterflies do not bite and leave bruises (Lil' Darlin' A, pointing to a bruise on her leg: "A butterfly flied in my room and bite me")
• Calling the computer, "your peter" is bound to get you in trouble, but is still hysterical